I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
