I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
