I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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