are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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