I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Lo siento on account of my penis...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
