She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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