i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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