I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Randomize
