So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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