I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
