So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
i now understand why vodka
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
