So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
