Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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