I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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