get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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