i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
