You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
