Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
