She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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