he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My dick has a subreddit
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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