Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
