I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
