my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
My life is pants optional.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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