i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
we're so committed to being not committed
So. Much. Porn.
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