I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize