I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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