I just made out with a guy for $7.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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