My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
