matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
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