Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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