I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
My life is pants optional.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
