she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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