the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
