i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I am full of burrito and curiosity
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
