....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
