Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
