Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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