I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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