I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
