...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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