i permit you to call me
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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