Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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