Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
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