I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
