The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
