Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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