Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
