I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
