Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
