I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
