every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
