WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
