Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
