That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
